sestina

Sestina

Why do I like rain?

Why do clouds fly?

Why does it make me sad?

Why does it feel like pain?

Why does it bring memories?

Why does it cause tears?

I am not sure about tears

How they are connected to rain

Are tears because of memories?

I want to go to past and fly

But I will get back the pain

It will again make me sad

Why don’t I want to be sad?

Why don’t I like tears?

Why do pains pain

Why do tears flow like rain?

Why do memories fly?

Why do I fly in memories?

Sometimes I have sweet memories

Which don’t make me sad,

Which cause sorrows to fly,

Which don’t bring tears

But they don’t come when it rain

They have no bonds with pain

Memories of friends are like pain

They left a lot of memories

I remember hanging out in rain

They were sad if I was sad

They would never see me in tears

They walked with me, were ready to fly

Those memories stay, they don’t fly

I add more when get some pain

Some pains are removed by tears

So they don’t go in memories

When it will rain I’ll not be sad

Then how would it look like if it rains

Again I want rain, I want to fly

I wanna be sad, I want to feel pain

I wanna add memories, no more tears

Two Days in Dream...

Two days in dream

We parked our car and knocked at a door. My host dad said that it would be the right home and my host mom shook head in a way saying “I guess”. A young man opened the door and said welcome and hi in a known way. We hugged and went inside. He seemed unknown known person to me. Although I did not know him, but felt him as a close family member. Then he introduced his wife and she seemed pretty familiar too although she was not.

He was the person whom I had texting contact with and he was an Ismaili Muslim, so he had asked me to go to Jamat Khana (place of worship) in Milwaukee. This was the reason we were there in Madison at their house. The floor was carpeted and there were some pillows by the wall and it was totally like home. After we drank juice Fazal said that dinner is about to ready. My host parents were thinking that he was talking to me because they were not informed in formal way that they will take dinner there like in American way but they didn’t know that they were in a Pakistani house and our culture has more informalities than formalities. They were happy to see when dinner was served in a different way. We all sat on the floor and there was some Pakistani food to eat. We discussed politics and culture during dinner. Then my parents were about to leave that he said that he was making tea according to the all time tradition of northern part of Pakistan.

After my parents left, we started talking in Urdu and many times I talked in English un voluntarily. Then we started our journey towards Milwaukee and it was awesome to listen to Urdu music in car and hear all of the people in the car humming with it. Fazal drove the car in kind of Pakistani way which made me laugh inside. Then we reached Jamat khana and we were welcomed by YA ALI MADAD. There were people from Pakistan, India and Africa but were like a family and I felt if I found something I had lost and put my head on the floor and rebuilt the contact which was broken for 3 months. I murmured and had a good talk to Allah. Then I met with many new people and I also translated the Qasida from Persian to English. I wished it could happen every day but then I remembered that I was just dreaming and every dream doesn’t happen in real life. Then around 11 pm we left and around 1, I went to bed and it was strange to sleep in dream. 

Next day I woke up quite early and watched television and to my surprise there was a documentary which was in Urdu too. I didn’t know how things were happening in dream. Then later Fazel took me to a short tour of Madison and then we went to meet some other exchange college students from Pakistan and it was so sweet when they were giving us something to drink by force by the unique culture where even if you say NO it would mean YES . It was so great to discuss the aim of exchange programs and the political situation of Pakistan with grown and experienced minds. Then after we went to some markets and just looked over things and I felt really at home when Fazal was really asking me if I wanted something and he would ask me to try different things but I didn’t get any thing.

Then we went to his house and took lunch. It was pretty late and again it was some food from Pakistan. I wished I could actually get that food in my real life like I get in dream. Later that evening we went to jamat khana with some other family from Pakistan and it was the same scene as it was the day before. I felt kind of happy and sad at the same time when I tried to talk to a young boy Ali in the other family and he had great English but couldn’t speak Urdu. Then again we said our prayer and I was thinking in dream that it might take long time to come again to Jamat Khana again, so I remained on floor with my forehead touching the ground and totally concentrating on something unknown. It was so great to leave the world for a while but I was not that happy because many things happen in dreams. Then the leader announced that there would be a dinner and celebration for our spiritual leader, Shah Karim Al Hussaini,The Aga Khan’s birthday. So again I got a chance to eat Pakistani food sitting on the floor and fingers wet by the oil in Biryani and then took some desert. After that talked to many people and they were really happy to have me there and the prayer leader joked that I should complain about my host family and get my family changed to Milwaukee so that they can have me there everyday. I laughed on it and so did he in a way that showed that never take it serious, we don’t really want you. Then the celebration started and it was so great to see flowers of diversity in a single garden, different in colors but giving the very same scent. Everyone’s face was shining with smile, it was of course not American smile where you do it for formality. It was something different, something rising from your inside and blossoming after reaching your face. I have been watching Indian dance from my childhood but I had never thought that one day I will be standing with some Indian people getting ready to be started as soon as the tape would start throwing sound waves into our ears and making our feet and body move in accordance. We danced for more than 30 minutes for a Hindi song with sticks in hand, doing cress cross and several different things. At the beginning I was like a wild bird feeding with hens but after 10 minutes I got what they were doing. After 30 minutes they were mostly tired and started leaving the field of dance, so it was time to show the no tiring and sweet culture of Northern Pakistan. Fazel and I started dancing in our way. People were so impressed that they joined us and it was so awesome. We almost danced for an hour and sweat was making my face moist and I was feeling like in swimming pool. After we had danced to a time when the tape recorder was tired, we stopped and took some rest. Again danced for some modern Indian songs and finally it was time to say good bye to a family of spiritual bonds. Every one was saying that they enjoyed our dancing and with Shukria “Thanks” we left Jammat Khaana.  I called my host parents to pick me up so that I can be in my bed before the dream is over. They were watching the Madrigal which I missed to see that day because I was busy in dream.

As soon as we reached their home and the other family who was with us forced me to go with them to their house,again a glance at our culture. I couldn’t go because my parents were about to reach. Then in a short while my parents came to pick me and I said Khuda Hafiiz and Ya Ali Madad “good bye” to Fazal and his wife and when I said thank you, his wife said “there is no need to say thanks”. This was the last thing I remember from my dream and they also invited me back any time to their home. Then I reached home, back into western life. I went to bed because I was so tired. Next day when woke up in morning I saw that it was Sunday and all happened was not a dream but real thing. This is how culture travels and preserved in other countries. This gave me a good break from the western culture and it was great that my parents saw a living culture which I couldn’t explain by words. I can just summarize this weekend in an old Chitrali saying “the people you have relation with are important even if they are living in a cave”.

Belief make you believe

Belief makes you believe

I was having a very great time with my friends in Pakistan and was very happy that I laughed after a long time because during my exchange year I could not understand the jokes and funny things and I was telling my friends that only my History of world religion teacher Mr. Halling could make laugh with his funny acting and jokes which I could hardly get and laugh for three days on single thing like he had a computer mouse trapped in mouse trap with a wire attached as its tail. This mouse would be under his table and it would make my day because when you get words then you have to use things which don’t speak but make you laugh. I was telling all about this when I heard some sound, I didn’t want to pay attention to the sound but it was going on so I had to. Sitting on my bed I  turned off my alarm clock and found myself in the land of less laughing and I laughed on this and if someone would have seen me then I would have been considered as mad who is laughing for no reason but actually there was a full reason. I wanted to sleep some more but in a flash remembered the field trip in history of world religion class. It made me think that how life is connected to dream and dreams are connected to life.  I reached school after a long bus journey of an hour and half which is my least favorite part about US life.

Then I saw Mr. Halling waiting for bus to come in his unique style which caused my memory to relate dream and reality and I could just spread my lips, just to say that it was true. Then we were in bus and our first place of visit was Jewish Synagogue. A lady welcomed us warmly as Mr. Halling had told us. Then she gave us a lecture about Jewish belief and prayers. She was delivering speech in a way that I could say that for her there is nothing right but Judaism. She gave some proofs like it is the father of religion and so on. We saw the Jewish way of marriage, two of us were married by our own priest but I think they got divorced at the same time and it was not a big deal for American culture. Then we got some of the bread and snacks. We said good bye with all the beliefs of Judaism and the lady was very happy that she presented her religion in an affective way and we were impressed. We could be if it was the only place to visit. From there we went to the Free thought Hall. I was introduced by Mr. Halling as Pakistani and as a Muslim of course. It was interesting that the man who was vice president there now and was supporting atheism was actually a preacher of Christianity and according to him he found his way and had accepted atheism as a way of life although it is not actually a way. He gave us some good reasoning from past and using some personalities who succeed without believing in God. I really didn’t want to hear to him because my mind was getting messed with questions and it was kind of appealing though but I just used one of my ear as receiver and the other as releaser so that nothing could go to brain or heart. We left that place with some thoughts about his words and he was also taking long breathe as if he has done a long mission but still he was over believing on his belief and was thinking that he was not right but perfect.

Mr.Halling let us free to take lunch and return to capitol.we were running like kids in the streets just to keep ourselves warm. We were back to the capitol and wandered there for an hour and then the Inter faith celebration started. Three women were singing Bissmillahirahmanirahim with wrong pronunciation. I could understand that they even didn’t know the meaning of that. Then a Muslim lady read some verses some verses from Quran and then  Kia was invited to present words of the governor .then a lady spoke who had good voice which acted as a sleeping pills for me and I took a good nap till I heard echo of clapping. Then again some songs and we danced in a circle showing peace. I wished we could actually maintain this circle in our practical life but every ones belief doesn’t let to believe so. On our way out we also saw the people saying something about recall Walker.I also raised my hand in their favor but it remind me of one thing that world is full of political believes too and which are same and different.

Then we went to deer park Buddhist temple. We put off our shoes before entering inside which kind of remind me of going to prayer back home. Again there a ma shared his beliefs with his full belief that we would believe that it is the only right religion but he didn’t know that we had already declared atheism, Islam, Judaism or Sufism as the right religion. He tried his best though and we also saw the big gods decorating the temple. My belief wished that I had such gods too whom I could see but then heart said that then that would not be a belief to believe on non living things and it would not be a good belief to believe what you see.

It was the last place to visit. We had bundle of ideas about beliefs. In conclusion what I believe is what you believe is just based on your belief. Never believe that it is right for all because the world will believe according to something inside skulls. No one is there to believe like you. But main thing is if we are right then others are not wrong because they are also right for their belief. I pray that may we understand the difference and not only accept it but also celebrate difference and diversity.