Come On dad!!
Thousand times I tried to write on this topic, but every
time I start thinking about it, I end up in wetting the page with tears instead
of writing something. If you have your parents alive with you, then you are the
luckiest person, and you wouldn’t understand why it is hard to write on this
topic. If you are someone like me, and you don’t have your dad in this world,
then you can understand why it is so challenging to write about your bad luck.
Parents are always loving and important to everyone, but
losing a dad like mine is not easy. He was a great friend, a leader, a role
model for many people including myself, an adviser, and a great person. I
consider myself the luckiest person for being a son of such an awesome dad, but
at the same time I think that I am the unluckiest person because I couldn’t see
my dad for one last time when he was leaving this world and was meeting his
everlasting life.
I went to
the United States as an exchange student for a whole year. Going to a foreign
country in a full scholarship was really exciting not only for me but also for
my whole family. I said goodbye to my family with smiling face, and I could see
the sadness in the faces of my parents because they wouldn’t be able to see me
for a whole year. I was just relaxed and excited to enjoy a full new life so I
didn’t give any importance to the goodbye since I was meeting my family after
only one year. My dad and I went to the other village to catch the land
cruiser. I wish I knew that it was the last walk with my dad forever, not only
for a year. My dad said goodbye with proud tears, but I was rushing to
experience a year in different way and come back. I wish that I had known that
that was the last chance for me to hug my dad, and I wouldn’t be able to see him
again. The last words coming from my dad were not that important at that time,
but I wish I had saved them somewhere. During my stay in America, I would
receive calls from my dad. I had never seen him missing me that much. He would
want to talk to me for hours and just listening to me, and I would try to avoid
his questions so that I would have a good story to tell him when I get home. He
asked me to take a lot of pictures so that he could see them. I wish I had told
him everything on phone and wouldn’t have trusted this not trustable life.
I was lost
in the fun life of America, but in the last two months of my stay, I just
wanted to return home, see my family, and live my real life. In the last month
of my exchange year, I never got a phone call from my dad. The last time he had
called me, he promised that he would talk to me after a week. Alas!! That week
never came. My dad didn’t keep his promise. I kept waiting to hear my dad, but
he never talked. Nobody told me what was happening, but the sixth sense inside
me had told me what happened. I knew that my dad cannot be alive without
talking to me for a whole month. I was so lost in the last month, and finally
it was over. I was so darn ready to return home to see my dad, and tell him how
worried I was when he didn’t call me. I was thinking to be angry with love. I
was so eager to share my exchange year my dad, the only person who would be so
excited to hear from me. I could hardly wait to reach home after the long
travel of three days.
Finally, I
reached the main town of Chitral, where I was expecting my dad to come to
welcome me. Instead of the smiling face of my dad, I saw many of my uncles and cousins
with fake smiles on their faces. I was really worried at that point. I was
wondering if my dad was sick or something. We went to my uncle's apartment in
the town, and I saw some more people like my principal and some more relatives
there. I just wanted to hear what had happened because I was so confused at
that time. Thousands of thoughts start to revolve in my mind. Did something happen
to my mom, whom I always worry about, or did something happen to any of my
siblings or was it really my dad. At last, an uncle of mine was kind enough to
tell me the black news which I was never ready to hear. It was something which
was like an electric shock. When I heard that I had lost my dad; I felt the
first feeling of an orphan. The room began to spin around me, and there was a
lock on my mind. I was not able to think about anything. All I could see was
the smiling face of my dad in front of me.
Was this
what I was expecting when I was going on my exchange experience? Whose fault
was it? Is God that cruel that he never let me see my dad for one last time,
and my dad died from a heart attack twenty days before I reached home? Which
kind of heart attack can snatch my dad from me? Didn’t the death think about me
that I was his son, and I was not home yet so death should wait for a while?
How can my dad leave me that alone in this world? Is this what the world does
to everyone or is it just me? Is it because I am unlucky? People say that it
was a judgment, but first of all, how was I supposed to believe it? I am never
going to accept it! This is not true…how can my dad die before hearing to all
my stories and see all the pictures which I took just for him? How didn’t my
dad think before dying that there is no one else who is there to listen to me
and call me with sweet nick names? Am I not getting a kiss on my forehead after
I finish my talk about my stay in USA? I accept that his life was that much,
but is 17 an age for me to be called an orphan? Why do other people have their
dads for 100 years? Is my dad never going to see me a grown up man? Is there no
one to tell me how much I have changed, and how should I change more? Did my
village lose a great leader? Who is going to do all the work he was doing for
the power production project in the village? Who is going to support my family?
Last of all, who am I going to call "dad", and who is calling me by
my nickname "khan"?
With all
these questions, I had to go home and support my broken family. What such other
questions were making my mom cry, who lost her life partner. I was supposed to
support my family, and I was not supposed to cry! How was I supposed to control
my tears when I lost a big part of myself? How much parents love their youngest
kids is not hard to understand, and I was the unlucky youngest kid who would
never ever get his dad's love. What was my dad thinking when he was leaving me?
How did he feel when he saw everyone except me around him? I just paused my
thoughts and feelings as I entered home. My only sister, brother and mom
couldn’t hold their tears, but I did. I forced myself so much that my feelings
died. Now I hardly know what it means to be sad or happy. People came to visit
me. They took me to the back of my house where my dad was buried. The man whom
I was expecting to hug me when I came home was so silent. He was so hidden from
me. I could not touch him, see him or hear him. People were pointing to a small
building as the permanent house of my dad now after. What can a son feel at
that time? Who can understand me? My dad was not ever going to answer, no
matter how loud I shout or how soft I talk to him.
Now, when
my brain started working partially properly after twenty days, I think that my
dad was such a great person that this world didn’t deserve him. I had heard
this Chitrali saying so many times but now I know what it means " Great
people don’t live long". Hundreds of people came to my house every day for
these last twenty days, and everyone was crying for my dad. I felt that it was
not only my lose. That is the kind of death which I would wish for the person
whom I loved so much. How wouldn’t a person like my dad go to heaven? As a
Muslim, I accepted it as a judgment from God. I think that one day I will have
to say goodbye to everyone else in the world, too. I was thinking that I
wouldn’t be able to live one day without my dad. I was so mad at the singing
birds that how can they sing without him, but his lose made me live and stick
to life. It is the most unexpected thing ever happened in my life, and my wish
of seeing my dad for one last time will remain a wish forever and ever and ever.
If you have your dad alive with you, then please go hug him for me because you
never know your last hug. I can write a whole book on this, but what else can I
say now except that I will wait to meet my great friend, loving dad and brave
leader in Heaven if I was able to carve my life in the way my dad had. Then we
will live in a world where there is no America or Pakistan, and where there are
no heart attacks. May his soul stay in peace. Ameen
"Khuda
janae yae dunya jalva gah hae naz hae kis ki
Hazaron uth gayae, ronaq magar baqi
hae majlis ki"
You are a very brave Khan of your Dad. Up there, he is proud of you. May his soul rest in peace. (Ameen)
ReplyDeleteThanks Hamza bhai....
ReplyDeleteAbdul Wahid, I am glad you finally wrote this. I can understand and connect to it, I lost my husband 3 years back he said goodbye to me in the morning like any other happy morning. And an hour later I was standing in front of his dead body, he too dies with heard attack. This is Allah’s way of testing our patience, Allah is Rahman and Raheem does not give anyone more then what they can take.
ReplyDeleteYour family needs you at this time, your mom needs you most. Be strong, believe in god and who is here above us all the time .
Lots of love
Thank you very much,mam Farah.. Thanks for your support through out my exchange experience..I know you knew about it, but sometimes I think that it was good that you didnt tell me. I guess this is what life about. To face what you are not ready for.
DeleteAbdul Wahid, this had me in tears. I am so proud of you my friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot Shahzab bhai
DeleteAbdul Wahid, I am so proud of you and I am sure your dad would be too! Stay strong, my friend.
ReplyDeleteWahind also join the YES Alumni page of Pakistan if you have not do so already. You will find a big support here. https://www.facebook.com/groups/343868349021386/
ReplyDeleteI am a part of it, and I am really amazed by the support I got from YES Alumni..thanks for sharing mam.
DeleteThis was really hard to read made me realize how precious my parents are. Thank you for this Wahid. I can never imagine such a great loss. You are one brave kid. Stay brave as your family needs you more than ever right now. I will surely offer my prayers for your dad. May he rest in heaven peacefully.
ReplyDeleteI will not even comment on the fact that be brave and strong, because one can never be when he has lost one the most precious things. I wont even say to up firm and face the world. With the looks of your blog, I can surely tell that your dad must be a great person. It is not just your loss, or your family's loss but loss for your Village, and Pakistan too. Thousands of people die, few are remember for long. Remind us who your father was, by your actions. Carry his dream forward, be a successful person. work on that power project and name it after your father, be the leader of your community, spread all the knowledge you have, share the experience with your community, the memories you had save for your father.Be the man of your house, take charge, make them strong. Be the role model for your siblings, love and care for the like your father would have.
ReplyDeleteAnd one thing you should remember is that, no matter what happens, or how long it has been, you YES and iEARN family will always be there to support you and guide you. I will love to help you with that project too, and I'm sure many of others will be willing too.
Good luck Khan, and may Allah bless your father's soul.
you are a brave kid, Wahid. It must have taken immense courage to write this. I can not imagine what you have been and are going through so I can't comment on that. But know this, through your loss you have made us realize our blessings. May Allah bless your father's soul.
ReplyDeleteWahid. I understand how you feel. I know nothing will comfort you at this stage but remember a few things:
ReplyDelete1) At times like these, you will find yourself questioning God and your religion. Try not to. Stick to your faith. This life is short. Very very short and you will soon see your father in due time. Till then, face the world with courage in your soul and faith on your heart.
2) This is a test. God always tests those who are strong enough to handle the pressure. With the test, he also gives you the strength to cope with it.
3) At times, you will get frustrated and feel like you cannot handle things anymore. Be strong my friend, if you give up, it will effect the lives of your whole family. Honor the memory of your father and be like him. You will fail many times but eventually you will get better at it.
4) Remember, your father still sees you. He will be proud of you. He knows and sees all the pictures and stories from USA. He also hears all your questions. But now YOU are the leader and YOU have to implement everything you learned from your father. Make him proud and make your mother proud.
In the end, I would say, stay strong my friend. Your loss is immense but focus on the living around you (specially your mother and siblings). May Allah grant you strength, courage and energy to cope with this loss. I am here if you ever want to talk.
Regards,
Syed Shehroz Hussain
shehrozhussain@hotmail.com
Abdul Wahid, you have already proved that you're strong by attempting to write this piece. You might have not told your dad all of your exchange year stories, but I'm pretty sure he must have known how strong you have become in this one year and that you will keep making him proud and will take care of the rest of your family members like he used to.
ReplyDeleteMay His Soul Rest in Peace.
Wahid, you are very brave for writing this. Your dad i am sure was very proud of you for taking this challenge of being an ambassador. I am sure he had envisioned in you a great leader and a strong man and I am sure you are one. You have to complete his dream, follow in your father's footsteps and become a leader he would be very very proud of. Loads of prayers for you and your family, Inshallah your strength will prevail in these difficult times.
ReplyDeleteregards,
Ali asgher Makati
Wahid, I can feel the sinking heart in what you wrote. Having a Father is a huge blessing and loosing him is an equally huge loss. I can feel your tears, but have no idea that how much strength you gathered before you wrote this. But, God must have better plans for you. Be strong. May your Father's soul rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteRegards
Farwa Manekia
Wahid, I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, life's unexpected and spontaneous. And yes, you get shocks like this. I thought I was the on having the worst time when I got back to Pakistan because I am moving to India, but your lose is so big that I am ashamed of my self for thinking that..
ReplyDeleteI know that is sad that you couldn't see him for the last time and I know that's not fair. But your family needs you! Please be strong as you've always been.
Take care of your self and your family!
Good Luck!
It is quite heartening to learn about this Wahid. Nothing in this world can make up for this irreconcilable loss. May Allah grant your father forgiveness and blessings, and your family the strength to bear this magnanimous loss. Words are words! And words are alive.Your words here speak of the living strength of your father in you.It speaks of his grooming that what a fine gentleman he has raised. It shines through the very essence of your writing. In life it is not just important to be strong, it is equally important to feel strong. You may not realize it right now but but writing this all requires great courage that can only be taught by a great Father!
ReplyDeleteWahid, I am so very very sad for your loss and feel so honored to read the poignant and honest words you have written with regards to your father. The love you speak of between you and your father will never disappear or go away. It is REAL!!! and the connection between the two of you. Do not be afraid to mourn even though your heart feels so very broken in two. You will find new strength within that will make you even more a wonderful person...just like your father was. Marita from Prairie du Sac
ReplyDeleteWahid bro, deeply saddened by your loss. May Almighty Allah give you the strength to live with this untimely and unexpected loss. Also may his soul rest in eternal peace
ReplyDeleteWahid, I just want you to know that we all are always here for you no matter what. Be happy that your father is at a much better place now. Stay strong, and make him proud.
ReplyDeleterest in peace (Ameen).
This had me in tears.
ReplyDeleteWahid, I am extremely sorry to hear about your loss. No soul on this planet can understand how traumatized you must be right now. But dearest, this is life. People come and go, like you said yourself. Just be patient and let it go.
I am sure your dad is very proud of all that you have achieved and the great son you have been.
Stay strong and support your family. Your mother needs your love the most right now.
Cry, if you want to. Don't let the sadness build up. Let it out.
Good luck and take care of yourself. If you ever want to vent, need advice or any sort of support, the YES family is here. And you can also always email me at komalali92@gmail.com
Wahid I am so sorry for you loss. And so proud of you for being so strong. I won't say that I can imagine what you must feel because no one possibly can. I remember my mom calling me for hours when I was in USA and I couldn't wait for her to hang up so that I could live my Exchange student life. We all take our parents for granted at one point or another, but they always know that we love them.
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you are not keeping it in and writing about it. If you ever feel like letting it out and talk about it. You should feel free to contact me or any YES ALumni.
Lots of Love
Qaneeta Haseeb
qaneeta_94@hotmail.com
I am sorry but Udas think about it! Now he is practically with you wherever you go! He will always watch over you and will protect you!
ReplyDeleteBe the person he wanted you to be and make him happy. We are all with you!
Life is so much unpredictable, who knows whats gonna happen next but what we have to do is to ACCEPT the bad happenings. Otherwise this world would not leave a single chance to take us down.
ReplyDeleteand i know MY KHAN IS SO MUCH BRAVE :)
Wahid, I may not be the best person to say anything right now but I would just like to say one thing. Whenever you need a family, you always come to the YES family of yours and trust me, all of us are always going to be there for you. Just remembered that if GOD has taken your dad away, HE himself is now taking care of you. Prayers and blessings! Love you!
ReplyDeleteWahid! This left with flowing tears in my eyes and a hard breathe in my lungs. I don't whether I should write or not. I know you since a year but the yesterday evening talk with you had made me relaized how great man you are. I can't even Imagine how difficult it was it is and it will be for you to except this reality but I am pretty sure that you will be strong at every moment. You always talk about how greatyiu dad was, I should say that has been inherited in you as well... you will soon make a name and let the name of your father to shine in a form of your success.inshallah
ReplyDelete